Fluid Verve

Of Men, Connaught Place and Sluggish Butts…

It was one of those days you could walk around Connaught Place, get a few things done and end it with a bite at a favorite joint. Most of the times, you have a little adventure or an incident you can’t forget!

I was half an hour early for my planned meeting with Deepak. Ever helpful that he is, he had offered to accompany me to the Olympus service center to get my camera repaired. You know how these technicians are, be it a car mechanic or a camera repairman…They’ll take a man seriously but will safely assume that a woman can’t be technically well versed and hence can be conveniently taken for a ride!

I had to kill half an hour and there couldn’t have been a better way than to simply walk around Janpath. It had been ages since I had shopped for any kind of junk from this market that claims to showcase Indian handicraft and often appeals to college-goers and foreigners. But I didn’t want to shop. I just wanted to walk. I’ll describe my fetish for such solitary walks some other time, for now it would suffice to say that I was enjoying being a no one in the crowd that floods Janpath. Known to none and absolutely secluded in the midst of hustle-bustle.

I reached the export market and thought for a moment weather to go further into it or revert. I had removed this market from my list of worthy shopping lots ever since I realized that I’ve overgrown the use-n-throw clothes and can’t tolerate the hostile crowd anymore. But I was enjoying myself so much that I chose to move further into the dense crowd.

Random noise,
Generally thrown abuses, and
Shopkeepers who can’t decide weather they want to entice the buyers or just satisfy their own frustration by passing vulgar remarks…almost always directed at women.

It didn’t take much time to notice that a stout middle-aged chap had been walking quite close to me. Within half a minute I was sure that he was following me. He had something stupidly filthy about him. I decided I am not going to let his act affect my careless stride and was quite unperturbed by his moves.

I went past D-Paul’s and thought for a moment if I should get some snacks packed for home. He was still following me.

Suddenly there was a vibration in my pocket…SMS…I had put my phone on vibrator mode. Deepak had sent an SMS that he’ll be there in 10 minutes; it was time to turn back.

This man also took out his phone and dialed a number. I could easily overhear him; rather he wanted me to hear his conversation…

“Ya! What is this?”
“I need that money.”
“At least give me one lakh, rest you can return later.”
“I have to go to Dubai, I’ve left my business unattended.”

Hmmm…I see!

The scum at my heel, I reached Adarsh stores. Now here’s an FYI for all foodies…you can get scrumptious Kathi Rolls here. I stopped to get some packed for home.

He went aside for a moment but reappeared right behind me by the time I reached the pedestrian crossing. I had to meet Deepak on the other side near Café Coffee Day. The pimp must’ve thought that I am now leading him to somewhere!

Well! Well! Well! Enough of the adventure, I was pushing my brains to either play some nasty trick on this fella or at least get him off my back. I was nearing the place where I had parked my car and didn’t want him to follow me till there.

For the want of any other brighter idea, I dialed Deepak.

“Where reached?” I asked him and after the discussion over whereabouts I started out…

“Ok fine, come quick and get the detective fellow along.”

Deepak was shocked.

“Yes, I’ve found the culprit, he is walking in front of me and I am sure he can hear me and I want him to hear me that I am going to shoot his sluggish butt as soon as he reaches Mc Donald’s!”

I think I noticed a shiver sweep his butt & Deepak was sure that I’ve flipped.

“Ya Ya, I am carrying my pistol. But we will use your gun, that’ll create a fine alternate hole for this asshole.”

“Yes the policeman is positioned where we asked him to be, he is standing a few yards ahead.”

The man almost disappeared behind the pillars of Mc Donald’s building. I was laughing out loud and telling Deepak that I’ll explain later. The disappointed and surprised scoundrel who had been imitating my casual walk suddenly decided to add purpose to his and hurried off to the bus stop as if he had to catch a bus.

Now all I’ve to do is to imagine what he must be thinking…he who must be considering himself lucky to have landed upon an easy prey…how disappointed he would be by my almost lunatic talk! “What was this?!!!”

Hmmm…I think I should’ve pulled a nastier trick on him!